Not Fast Enough
by SoraTakinouchi
Summary: Set between 1x22 and 1x23, even the fastest man alive is not fast enough sometimes. Snowbarry.


_Disclaimer: Don't own The Flash. If I did, snowbarry would be canon._

The sound of high heels made him perk up in his chair, his expectant eyes staring at the entrance of the particle accelerator. Seconds later, she appeared, still in her lab coat, a board and pen in her hand.

"Wells, I mean, Eobard . . . is he -?"

"Unconscious?" she completed for him, her voice low and gentle, "Yes. Oliver's arrow has done a thorough job."

Barry nodded, sighing heavily. He slumped back in his chair, passing his hand through his hair a little more roughly than needed, nails scraping the scalp. The day had been a disasterous one, the adrenaline only starting to settle back. His whole body felt like a tightly squeezed spring, ready to jump at the slightest hint of motion.

Caitlin's trained eyes read all the symptoms of agitation and distress as she walked over to the table where he was sitting on a chair and leaned against it, her eyes anxiously observing him.

"Barry," her soft voice tore through his shaken state, making him look up at her, "I know you have a lot to ask him. And he _will_ wake up soon enough. But you need to calm down, first, get some rest."

She placed a calming hand on his arm, her eyes pleading him to focus on her words. He blinked several times before her words got through and he nodded, breathing deeply.

"It's just . . . today was a long day," he smiled tiredly.

"I know," she nodded, "What with Snart and Thawne and all the meta humans, it certainly surpassed our normal day."

He chuckled, "And that's _saying_ something. For us."

She smiled, her eyes relaxing at the sight of his easy grin.

"I know."

"It's just . . . so much to _do_. . . to take in," his smile vanished in distress, "Those meta humans are out because I trusted the wrong person. Who knows what are they up to now? And I helped Snart removing all his criminal evidence. It's like I gave him a pass to ruin everyone's lives anew. And all for nothing."

Saying _'it's okay'_ or _'it's not your fault'_ would be the worst idea right then. Instead, she just stayed quiet, her hand still on his arm, her thumb slowly rubbing the soft fabric of his shirt.

After several moments of silence, she remembered something, "You told me that Oliver said he might need your help?" she asked curiously, a sincere attempt at distracting him, "What do you think it could be this time?"

He shrugged, "He didn't say," leaning back in his chair, he looked up at her, her hand on his arm slipping down to his wrist, "But there was something different about him."

"You mean _besides_ the black suit and shorter haircut?"

Barry smiled, nodding, "Yeah, I don't know. I think he is in the middle of something big."

"Hm," Caitlin replied distantly, "Iris and Eddie . . . are they okay?" she steered the subject once more, not giving him a chance to pick up a stray moment and reflect on his mistakes once more. He had done enough of that already.

He sighed at the question, his expression more resigned than sad, "Yeah, they are fine. Iris is just happy to have him back."

Caitlin folded her arms, looking down at him, noticing the shift of his eyes, "And what about you? How are _you_ holding on?"

Barry shrugged, a helpless gesture of both hands, "I don't know, Cait, I guess I'm just tired of it," he rubbed his neck, his eyes downcast, "I can't keep getting my hopes up and then have them crushed. I gotta accept that things aren't gonna change."

Caitlin pursed her lips, her eyes saddened at the thought of his misery. She knew first hand what it was like to love someone out of your reach, but at least she had the satisfaction of knowing that he had loved her just as much as she loved him and that there was no one else in his life. But Barry had to see Iris and Eddie together and she knew it must hurt him afresh each day. She wished she could take away this pain, she wished he would learn his lesson, back away and find someone else to be crazy about. It made her stomach twist whenever she caught his tormented eyes, staring at Iris. At moments like those, she felt like taking control of the world, tip the scales, let it be one way or another. Either Iris loves him back or he gets over her. But this undecided period of his life was affecting her more severely each day.

"I think I'm going to stop doing it," Barry said quietly, "She has chosen him twice over me, now. I'm going to stop running after something that's not possible."

"Barry," she tilted her head sideways with an anxious look, "You said that once before, remember? Are you sure this time?"

He looked up at her, seeing the pain of his eyes reflected in hers, her face concerned, her expression so soft and vulnerable that it made his insides melt. She was someone who had always tried to help him cope with his feelings for Iris. She had given him some good advice, made him see sense at times when he felt his hands tied, got him out of some tight spots with Iris and he realized that her concern for him ran deeper than any other emotion he had seen her express. She had always felt his emotional and physical health her responsibility, played his doctor and mentor, enabled him to stand on his feet after every hurt; whether to his heart or to his body. And right now all she could think about was how his decision was going to affect him.

The thought made him smile slightly. Knowing that there was someone fearing every bit of pain he goes through made it easier to come to a decision.

"I'm sure this time, Cait," he said calmly, his eyes crinkling with smile.

Her eyes read him carefully, searching for any hint of uncertainty, any sliver of doubt. They were clear and sure. She breathed deeply.

"Barry, you know that whatever you choose to do, I will help you through it."

"I know, Cait," he said calmly, his eyes taking in her tensed expression, her careful scrutinizing eyes. It seemed as if his earlier tension has been absorbed by her, leaving him more steady and certain.

"Good, because as much as I would want to have Iris love you back the way you do, if that's not possible then, more than anything, I want you to move _forward_ , Barry. I want you to try your best and if it doesn't work, learn to move ahead from it. Because when you run after something impossible, when you let yourself be hurt like this, over and over, it -" she stopped suddenly, her breath hitching awkwardly at the end.

Barry narrowed his eyes, unable to understand the sudden rush of emotions in her trembling voice. Her jaw was clenched, her eyes overflowing with desperation. She placed her both hands behind her on the table, looking at him imploringly to understand the extent of her worry for him.

He realized this emotion, this desperate plea to help her in saving himself. This was the emotion she was wearing when he took her to Ronnie to fix the quantum splicer. This was the emotion she was wearing when she ran towards a burning man, desperate to stop him. And now she was wearing it for him.

The sharp intake of breath made him suddenly aware of what had come to transpire between them just then. His expression wavered before her eyes, transforming from perplexed to wide-eyed, slack-jawed understanding.

"Caitlin, are you -" he stood up hastily and realized his mistake in a heartbeat of a second.

She was still standing at the same spot, leaning against the table, and him standing up, without pushing his chair back first, brought them in a sudden close proximity of each other, their knees almost touching. He felt out of breath as his eyes dropped to her pressed lips and then back to her eyes, realizing the true shade of her eyes for the first time now that they were twice their regular size; two different shades of brown, starting lighter from the middle and getting darker at the edges.

For Caitlin, it was a soul-tripping flashback to her time with meta-Barry, an accident known only to her. She felt something drop in her stomach, her breath suddenly shallow as she looked back, willing herself to look away but unable to do so. He was so much taller than her, she realized once more.

"Cait, I -"

"So no one, not _one_ person, thought of asking Oliver for one of his arrows for me?"

The abrupt entry of an annoyed Cisco jarred them out of the moment, Barry stumbling back several feet, his legs wheeling the chair back with him. Caitlin found herself trying to press even more tightly against the table, if such a thing was possible.

"Uh - I - no, _what_?" Barry stammered, looking away from Caitlin to find Cisco still busily going through his tablet, completely oblivious to the scene he walked in on or the tense environment of the room.

He looked up to give a betrayed look to Barry, "Dude, his _arrow_."

"Uh," Barry scratched the back of his head, glancing fleetingly at Caitlin who has turned around to appear busy on one of the computers, "Didn't know you would be interested," he gave a lame excuse, his mind still buzzing with the charged expectancy of that moment.

"Do you even _know_ me, man?" Cisco threw up his hands in dramatic protest, "Hi, I'm Cisco. I like everything pointed, black with the tendency to put down Dr. Wells, Eobard Thawne, man in yellow, Reverse Flash -"

"You _do_ realize those are all one person?" Barry interrupted.

"- _and_ emit high frequency pulse. Sounds familiar?"

"You should put that on your dating profile" Caitlin's casual comment made Barry look at her. She seemed definitely more composed, seemingly having come over the memory of that awkward exchange moments earlier. Barry bit his lower lip, observing her expressions. There was no hint of forced normalcy, no nervous avoidance of his gaze. It surprised him; her tendency to appear so normal so soon, if not sting a little, too. Was it only him, then?

"I don't _have_ a dating profile," Cisco looked baffled.

"Oh, and that would be because of your relationship status with Snart's _sister_ , I suppose?" Caitlin teased, a smile pulling at the edges of her lips. Barry felt his own lips curving upwards in response, his eyes still desperately searching for any hint of an effect that moment might have left on her. But she appeared entirely calm.

"There is no relation - she is _not_ my girlfriend!" Cisco shook his head in fierce denial.

"Oh yeah?" Caitlin smirked, an expression rarely seen on her face, "Is that why you kissed her? Did you know that he kissed Snart's sister?" she turned towards Barry suddenly, catching him in the act of observing her.

Barry straightened up, shaking his head distractedly, "Uh, no, I did not know that," as the words slowly filtered through the haze of his mind, he turned to look at Cisco in disbelief, "Seriously? You _kissed_ her?"

Cisco gave him a tortured look, "Not you, too."

"What? _Why_? Why would you kiss her?" Barry finally focused on the matter at hand, "I thought she was baiting you."

"Well, she _was_ ," Cisco agreed reluctantly, "But she did - we had a - moment of sorts," he scratched his neck as he finished in a murmur, his face red.

The reference to _'a moment'_ once again made Barry glance at Caitlin, hoping to see a nervous reaction to the word. There was none.

"Well, that must be a pretty good moment, considering the way she was flirting with you today," Caitlin remarked playfully, still smiling easily.

Barry bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes narrowed in confusion. How could she not be affected by that moment? He could not seem to be able to think about anything else.

"Don't look so happy," Cisco deadpanned, raising his hand, palm outwards, "She was just trying to distract me from the task at hand," Caitlin raised a curious eyebrow, "And get me to give her a nickname." The confession was such a low murmur that they were barely able to understand it.

"You gave her a nickname?" Barry couldn't stop himself.

Cisco glanced guiltily at the pair, his mouth a thin, sulky line.

"What?" Caitlin came forward, barely able to hide her amused smile, "What name did you give her?" Cisco gave her a sullen look, "Oh come on, Cisco. You can tell us," Caitlin coaxed him sweetly. Barry glanced briefly at her, taking in her gleeful eyes, noticing the slow tug of growing smile around her mouth.

Cisco rolled his tongue inside his mouth several times, measuring the expressions of his tormentors before muttering, "Golden glidder."

He immediately regretted the decision of giving up so easily as the duo burst into spontaneous peels of laughter. Cisco wondered distantly how the conversation took this turn when he came with the intention of accusing Barry for not being considerate of his interest in cool weapons.

"You know, that's actually, _ew_ ," Caitlin commented as the laughter subsided.

Cisco bristled. It was one thing to make fun of him giving nickname to a manipulative criminal but totally another, and seriously offensive, matter to make fun of his nicknames.

"Why? What's wrong with golden glidder?"

Barry exchanged a knowing look with Caitlin, eyebrows raised, his discomfort with their earlier interaction ebbing away, then looked back at Cisco, "It's kind of . . . _slimy_."

Caitlin pursed her lips tightly but to no avail. Another peel of laughter burst through her lips, making Cisco smile grudgingly.

"Yeah, well, I was more inclined towards 'Female Inmate'," he shrugged good-naturedly.

"Why did you even care, dude?" Barry asked, crashing down on the chair he was previously occupying, "She couldn't have forced you to do that."

Cisco glanced at Caitlin, sitting on the bed usually reserved for an injured Flash, her head slightly tilted, eyes curiously narrowed, "Like you said," he nodded towards Caitlin, "She was flirting quite a lot."

"But that's how she took you the first time," Barry reminded casually, "Shouldn't you be more careful?"

Cisco made a face, "No need to remind me that."

Caitlin jumped off the bed, "Wait, so she used the same trick on you _twice_? And you fell for that _both_ time?"

Cisco remained quiet.

"The next time I see her," Caitlin's voice lost its playful tone, hinting more at guarded anger, making Barry look at her curiously, "I'm going to have a word with her about playing with others' feelings."

And something fitted right then.

Barry noticed the way Caitlin looked at Cisco, the sudden burst of anger on behalf of his hurt feelings, the avenging spirit to make sure it never happen again, all of it was so same, so familiar. Because that was the way Iris had always looked at him. That was the way Iris had felt when the kids beat him up at school. Before he confessed his feelings for her, before this confused situation happened, that was the way she felt about him. Like her brother.

Closing his eyes briefly, his mind numb with the actual realization rather than just words spoken, he thought of all the mess he had created so far. All the mess because he wanted Iris to feel differently about him. And she had tried. But it never quite worked. Not like it did with Eddie.

"Enough about my love life," Cisco raised his hand in a stop sign, then flipped his palm towards Barry, "What about you? Iris and Eddie are back again. How are you doing?"

Barry took a deep breath, glancing at Caitlin who met his gaze with her calm one before looking down at her hands. The words that came out of his mouth were, surprisingly enough, true, "I'm fine," he said steadily.

And there was something in those words, in his voice that made Caitlin look at him again. He met her eyes squarely, smiling a little, the brief lift of his lips reflecting the truth behind his words. She smiled back, a relieved, open smile and once again made him curious.

How could she get over it so quickly, so completely?

Whatever silent communication transpired between them, Cisco remained oblivious as he nodded wisely, "That's good, man. You have spent _way_ too much time and effort on that."

Barry chuckled, shaking his head slightly. His tensed mood of half an hour earlier had lighten considerably, all thoughts of Reverse Flash vieled momentarily behind the brightness of this moment with just the three of them. And it made him grateful for the arrow that knocked Eobard unconscious for such long duration. He got this break from all the fight and stress of last few days and, honestly, he deserved it. All three of them did.

"So are we going to stay here all night to keep an eye over Wells - I mean, _Thawne_ \- it feels so strange to call him that - or can we come back tomorrow?"

Cisco's question was greeted with a shake of both heads.

"No, we should go," Barry said, standing up.

"Eobard Thawne will be unconscious for several more hours," Caitlin explained in response to Cisco's raised eyebrows, "Oliver's arrow made sure of that." She picked up her bag and a stack of papers, getting rid of her labcoat.

"That arrow, _yes_ ," Cisco steered the conversation not so smoothly back to its original course, "I want one, man," he looked at Barry, his eyes pleading, "Can you get me one?"

Barry couldn't resist that look of earnest request and smiled, "Sure, I'll ask him for one if I get the chance."

"Aw, great. I'll owe you forever," Cisco grinned excitedly.

The trio started walking towards the exit and Barry found himself casting fleeting glances at Caitlin again and again. He could not understand why was he so hung up on getting a response out of her for that moment of brief closeness and tense expectation - even thinking about it now made Barry's heart flutter nervously - but he wanted to know if it meant something to her. Evidently, judging from her calm manner and easy smiles, it didn't.

Barry sighed. Getting over Iris was a decision he had thought would take the life out of him. But if today - or more accurately _tonight_ \- was any indication, he realized it might not be so hard after all.

He looked over Cisco's head at Caitlin, who was explaining the chemical composition of the sedative Oliver had used on Thawne, her hands waving wildly, and smiled slightly. Once he has interrogated Thawne and saved his Dad and made everything alright, he would like to explore that possibility someday. They will have all the time in the world, then.

Caitlin Snow felt the lingering gaze of Barry on her and ignored it, just like she had been doing for the past half hour. She had gotten quite good over the span of few short weeks in hiding her emotions of discomfort around Barry, the need of it triggered by that moment with meta Barry. When it happened, when he said those words _'something I should have done a long time ago'_ , Caitlin had been unsure if not slightly scared at the abrupt change of his heart. She had worried more about his feelings towards Iris than the shreds of love joining her with Ronnie. Because Ronnie was gone, a part of an entirely different duo, out of her reach forever. He had said so. He could never be with her. So when Barry kissed her, she tried to ask him about Iris, to make sure he was okay after whatever happened to change his heart so completely. Instead, she found herself kissing him back, all the times of them talking, laughing, teasing and mourning together flashing behind her closed eyelids. She dared to dream, if only barely.

And it was a ruse. An illusion. The cruelest joke that could be played on someone like her. It was not Barry.

From that day onwards, she forced herself not to jump on Barry's casual habit of touching her, to smile and laugh around him without thinking of that moment . It was the hardest thing she had done for someone besides Ronnie but her friendship with Barry was too precious to her to give up on after an accident.

And that practice of emotionally detaching her memories from the people they concerned has helped her get over the awkwardness from the brief moment they shared tonight. Because, of course, it was a mistake. A wrong move at wrong time. Barry couldn't - _wouldn't_ \- want her that way. She could not let herself consider that possibility for the fear of being hurt again. Like she told Barry; it hurt her to see his hopes crushed again and again. She could not have her hopes up to be crushed, too. She would not allow herself to dream. _Not_. _Ever_. _Again_.

x-x-x

And it's life's way of mocking humans' expectations that when Barry Allen thought he had all the time in the world to explore this new discovery, he found himself standing on the sidelines of Caitlin's wedding.

And when Caitlin Snow thought she should not dream, she had everything and everyone she could ever ask for in her life.

To be perished or to be cherished, she didn't know yet.

x-x-x

 _A/N: This was supposed to be just a funny Snowbarisco moment, with Caitlin and Barry making fun of Cisco for kissing Snart's sister. Did it feel like that? No. Because my story thinks it's smarter than me and so it ran away with its own idea the moment I started with the first scene, so that the moment stretched and this whole thing become a lot more nervous and awkward. I took that opportunity and gave you this complicated 'thing'. I had to make an explanation for Barry's face in Caitlin's wedding, okay? Something was eating him inside the whole time. Also, I left a little teaser in the end about Caitlin becoming Killer Frost and having not a happy ending. So, does this make sense?_


End file.
